I love ranking things almost as much as MTV likes to air terrible “reality” television shows.
For example, blue is my No. 1 color, Reeses are the best chocolate bar — and that’s just not debatable — Pop Tarts are garbage reincarnated to appear as food and Modest Mouse’s “Float On” is the most underrated song, ever. Love that tune.
I can give you rankings that go on and on, but the first list I put together that actually counted for anything was the Idaho prep girls basketball poll last season. It was spectacular and I took the role way too seriously.
(By the way, I had Grace in my 1A Division I poll for most of the year and both Century and Pocatello made my top-5 in our final vote. None of them were ranked, though, so, yeah, sportswriters don’t have rooting interest, but you better believe I rooted for those teams so I could gloat to myself. And I did after Century made the 4A title game, Pocatello took third and Grace fought its way into the state tournament where it put on a very respectable showing.)
It’s my rankings addiction that’s forcing me to compile my own Big Sky preseason poll, despite the fact that my boss, Chase Glorfield — who is the Journal’s Idaho State football beat writer — posted his own poll a week ago. And the Big Sky Conference released the media and coaches’ poll Monday.
But I don’t care if you’re sick of worthless rankings and jabbering in the preseason. Apart from the games themselves, this is the best time of the year, and I just can’t help but dip my toe into the pool of rankings.
So without further ado, here’s my utterly worthless preseason poll I guarantee is more accurate than Chase Glorfield’s (just kidding, boss, you’re the best).
Do you mind if I start at the bottom, because it’s easier to just get it out of the way. There’s just nowhere else to put Idaho State but at No. 13. The Bengals were bad last year and, yes, there are reasons for ISU fans to hope 2013 has more wins on its schedule than 2012. But Kramer and company will have to prove that on their own.
And before we move on, don’t think it’s a terrible thing for the Bengals to come out dead last in every preseason poll imaginable. There’s something to be said about taking the underdog, nobody-believes-in-us role.
Now, let’s jump to No. 1. Ladies and gentlemen, the team that will win the Big Sky Conference is ... shoot ... I have no idea.
I mean, Montana State has its senior quarterback who’s racked up 30 wins in his three seasons as the Bobcats’ starter.
But Eastern Washington’s sophomore stud, Vernon Adams, has a world of talent. He’s Johnny Manziel-light. And the Eagles, using three different quarterbacks, have 30 wins the past three seasons, too.
Montana, the program with 19 Big Sky titles, has quarterback Jordan Johnson back, along with 10 defensive starters.
And Cal Poly, co-champions in 2012, are a dangerous, well-coached, consistently-good program. The Mustangs were predicted to finish fifth a year ago.
Hey, tell you what, considering there was a three-way tie at No. 1 last season, can’t I just predict another tie this year, you know, since it’s a 13-team league and there are only eight conference games per squad?
No, I can’t do that. I’m a man of morals, and these rankings need a true favorite. So, taking schedules into account, Montana State is my No. 1 team. The ‘Cats get Northern Arizona and Montana home in Bozeman, and the toughest road trip is to Cheney and the red turf. I desperately wanted to show how smart I am by picking someone else, but it’s clear MSU commands the top spot. Now who can’t wait for the Bobcats to choke and lose by 30 points in the quarterfinals of the playoffs?
Sliding in at No. 2 is Montana. Have you seen this Jordan Tripp guy? He’s the preseason defensive MVP for a reason. He’s not just the Big Sky’s best defensive player, he’s one of the best in the country.
Tripp’s studliness, Montana’s defensive unit — they can’t be as bad as last year when opposing teams averaged nearly 27 points, right? — and the fact the Grizzlies get both Cal Poly and Eastern Washington at home makes me lean their way for No. 2.
Eastern Washington should be good, really good. But EWU travels to Oregon State, Toledo and Sam Houston State before September ends. It’s a brutal start to a season that reminds me of 2011 when the Eagles entered the year ranked No. 1 in the nation and finished 6-5, after starting 0-4. Their first four games were at Washington, at South Dakota, at Montana and home to Montana State.
EWU checks in at No. 3.
At No. 4, my pick is Sacramento State. The Hornets, 6-5 in 2012, have 15 starters back and in the schedule roulette avoid both Montana State and Eastern Washington. Plus, Northern Arizona and Montana visit the heat of northern California.
One additional note about Sacramento State. Can we clear up who from the media put the Hornets No. 1 on their ballot? There were 48 members who voted. Thirty eight choose MSU, 12 went with EWU, three jumped in with Montana and one loner hit up Cal Poly.
Can we somehow hear from the guy who chose Sacramento State? What does he or she know that the rest of us don’t? The Hornets — who I think will be good mind you — have never won a Big Sky title since joining the conference in 1996. The best Sac has ever done is finish 5-3, doing that in 2000 and 2010.
What did the rest of that guy or gal’s ballot look like? Have they voted in the past? Have they picked Sacramento before, too? If so, can we take away their vote? I happen to know a guy who’d love for his worthless ballot to gain some validity.
Moving on, Cal Poly is my No. 5 squad. The Mustangs will likely start the year ranked in the top 20, but they didn’t find a starting quarterback last spring. That’s reason enough for me to move them down to the fifth spot.
In quick succession, Northern Arizona is No. 6, Northern Colorado No. 7, mascot-less North Dakota No. 8, Southern Utah and its glorious mascot the Thunderbird will finish ninth, Portland State 10th, UC Davis is my No. 11 team and Weber State finishes one spot ahead of Idaho State at No. 12.
I put some serious time into deciding between MSU, UM, EWU, Sac State, Cal Poly and NAU for my top six, and then about five minutes picking between the rest for No. 7 through No. 12. Naturally, then, I expect anyone else but the Bobcats to finish No. 1, chances are that I’ve highly overrated Sac State and underrated Northern Arizona.
Sadly for everyone in Pocatello, though, I think we all feel good about the No. 13 pick.
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